So, I Ate This... Linguine with Summer Vegetables and Goat Cheese

My husband hates zucchini. And walnuts. So I decided to cook with both of those last night. Muahahahahaha.

He liked it. Foiled again!

I made Real Simple magazine's Linguine with Summer Vegetables and Goat Cheese. I had a zucchini left over from our CSA box, and only had to buy walnuts and goat cheese.

Mmmmmm...

It was good, almost really good. It would have been better if I hadn't effed some things up (by some things I mean multiple, if not many things).

First: It calls for 2 ears of corn to yield 2 cups of kernels. How freaking big are your ears of corn, Real Simple!? I barely got 1 cup from 2 ears. So, yeah, double that shit.

Second: I burned the walnuts. My fault. Instructions say "until fragrant." I detected their fragrance at about 6 minutes, burned them by 8. Not black, charred, ashy burned, but "crispy," as my mother would say.

Third: Don't be like me. Read the packages carefully when you purchase items like goat cheese. I unknowingly bought honey goat cheese*. It was good, though not what the recipe called for.

Fourth: Apparently spiders love fresh oregano, cause they decimated my oregano plant. I used dried instead. Boo.

I'm making this again. And I'll make it right, damn it.

*Note to manufacturers: Please don't put writing on your packages in a faint "honey" color. I can't see that shit.

So, I Hate This... Breyer's Frozen Dairy Dessert

The other day hubs went and bought a ton of Breyer's ice cream. Oreo, Reese's, Rocky Road, mmmmmm. I was in heaven with the plethora of delectable choices that would soon be gracing my palate.

So I commenced in our nightly ritual, ice cream and TV after the wee one drifts off to sleep (or screams herself to sleep, same difference). As I began to rip open the packaging I noticed something...strange. The cartons before me were labeled "Frozen Dairy Dessert" and not "Ice Cream." Huh.

     "Hey hubs," I hollered. "The ice cream says frozen dairy dessert. Weird, right?"

     "What the hell is frozen dairy dessert?" he shouted.

     "Fuck if I know."

So we ate it. It was... off. Artificial tasting. I didn't know if my head was wrapped around the terminology or if I was really tasting something that bad. I've never met a frozen treat that I hated, but hate was what was bubbling inside of me at that moment.

But I gave it another shot. The next night I decided to try the Rocky Road.

Blasphemy, I tell you!

There were no marshmallows, just a sickly sweet paste that vaguely tasted of marshmallow fluff. The chocolate didn't taste like chocolate. And the almonds were almost mushy.

I would rather eat sugar free ice cream than the horror that was melting in my bowl. I actually threw it away.

You read that right. I THREW AWAY ICE CREAM!

Sorry, "Frozen Dairy Dessert."

So to Breyer's, a big FU. You're dead to me.

So, I Ate This... Slow-Cooker Baked Spinach and Mushroom Rigatoni

I'm in love with my crock pot. Like an unhealthy, obsessive kind of love, because I'll make anything in it.

Last night I made Slow-Cooker Baked Spinach and Mushroom Rigatoni from Real Simple May 2013. Even though it goes against everything I stand for, I tried it. Looks delicious, right? Yeah... about that...

This is not my photo. It belongs to José Picayo. I got it from realsimple.com. I don't take pictures this nice.

It was, um, underwhelming. Yeah, underwhelming. Like other reviewers, my macaroni didn't cook properly, and there definitely was not enough sauce. And it sure as hell didn't look like the picture above. I mean, it has potential, but as written it was just blah.

Confession: I did not make the recipe exactly as written.

I know, I know, you think I should have followed it exactly at first and then make changes the second time around. But it's a crock pot recipe, and a measly 3/4 tsp of salt isn't going to cut it. So I added a shit ton of salt, doubled the garlic, more pepper, some red pepper flakes, oregano and basil. Basically the same stuff I would use if I was making a baked pasta in the oven.

So this is what I would do differently:

1. Double the sauce. Triple it if you like it saucy. I might even make a sauce on the stove top, just to get the flavors right and all. Maybe I'd go so far as to saute the onions and mushrooms and add the tomatoes and spices to that.
2. Use crushed or diced tomatoes. You're going to crush them anyway, why not cut out the middle man?
3. Cream the ricotta and mozzarella, just as if you were making a lasagna. Throw in an egg and some nutmeg. Shit. Nutmeg. I should have used nutmeg.
4. Layer it like a lasagna. Sauce, macaroni, veggies, cheese, repeat. That's basically what it is, lasagna in a crock pot with macaroni instead of noodles.
5. Maybe use fresh spinach? The heat will wilt it and you could save time. Ain't nobody got time to thaw and squeeze frozen spinach.

More work? Yes. Better results? Maybe. One day I'll give it a shot and let you know.